Day Three of our boat trip was not the best. As a matter of fact, by the end of the evening, it had deteriorated to downright awful. However, by the end of the day, I discovered something that could make me millions, if I can only figure out how to bottle it.
The morning was drizzly, but we were still able to wander around Old Montreal. We returned to the boat, had a bit of a nap, and woke up to the Yahoos. And here is where it all started to go downhill. We have Yahoos who live down the road from us, but it turns out there are Land Yahoos and Water Yahoos. Land Yahoos drive souped up pick up trucks; Water Yahoos drive souped up jet boats. But that's the only difference. Both species believe that the entire world wants to hear their conversations and their music. In this case, their music was 1980's dance music, and after two straight hours of this, I was techno-d out. I might have had more tolerance, if we weren't locked into a small boat with all its covers up to protect us from the pouring rain, but I ended up heading down to the berth to try and gain some piece and quiet. Slightly quieter but the...ummm...wacky tabacky, was wafting its way in. Finally, I just gave into a good old fashioned claustrophobic meltdown. The final straw for the Urbane Lion, was two or three men with their pants down in plain sight, urinating into the marina. He finally called the Harbour Master, who attempted three times to quiet the party down, to no avail. By this time, the rain had let up, so we hauled anchor and headed out for an evening cruise.
The waters were extremely rough, made worse by large cruise ships, but I sat up on the bow and rode the waves. "I'm flying, Jack!" It was better than a ride at the fair, and I was deciding that I absolutely loved rough waters, until the Lion decided he really wanted an espresso. This involved me going down into the galley. Oh, not good. Not good at all! That espresso machine couldn't pump out the coffee fast enough, and by the time I got back up on deck I was experiencing full blown seasickness. I crawled back up onto the bow, and frantically sucked back the fresh air, like a dog with its head hanging out a car window.
And that's where the evening moved from not all that pleasant to downright disastrous. Waves and wakes were coming at us fast and furious, and to top it off we were passing through an incredibly strong current. I am talking vortexes of swirling black water spinning in both directions of the clock. The following conversation took place:
Lion: Okay, that's it, you have to drive.
Panther: Excuse me?!
Lion: I desperately have to pee. There are no options here, you have to drive.
Panther: Oh gawd!
Lion: Just grab the helm and keep her straight.
Panther: And aim for that red light?
Lion: No, you have to keep it within these grey dotted lines.
Panther: I have to read the navigational chart at the same time?!!!
Lion: Yes.
Lion (over his shoulder as he headed down into the bowels--ha! pun intended!--of the boat): Oh, and don't hit any other boats.
Well, here is where I can make my millions. I, the lowly Urban Panther, have discovered the cure for sea sickness. And it's really quite simple. One very healthy dose of sheer terror, and I can absolutely guarantee your upset stomach will be instantly forgotten.
So I guess day 3 really tested your "boat babe" status!
Posted by: theramblinghousewife | July 06, 2008 at 01:31 PM
Rambling - Oh big time! It's hard to look boat sexy when you are turning green.
Posted by: Urban Panther | July 06, 2008 at 08:53 PM
That must have been scary. My father once chartered a yacht (a small one) and we sailed around the coast of Venezuela for about a week. The yacht came with a small crew though, so we had nothing to do with the steering and such. It was great! We didn't experience people openly urinating in the water or rough waves.
Posted by: Marelisa | July 07, 2008 at 01:49 PM
Marelisa - I initially told the Urbane Lion that I would never drive the boat. He then had me drive it slowly in calm waters. Okay, so then I changed it to I will never drive the boat in rough waters. Hmm, seems I did that, so I changed it to, I will never drive the boat fast. Well, ended up doing that. My new rule is I will never drive the boat with any other boat within a hundred miles of me. So far, I have managed to get away with this rule, but we'll see how long it lasts. Welcome to the Lair.
Posted by: Urban Panther | July 07, 2008 at 02:00 PM
I'm so filled with admiration that you would take the wheel from him. Personally, I'd have made the lion pee over the railing while he was still at the helm. You brave Panther, you.
WC
Posted by: writer chick | July 07, 2008 at 08:16 PM
Writer Chick - LOL oh big mess, Writer Chick. That would make a really big mess!
Posted by: Urban Panther | July 08, 2008 at 03:47 PM
darn Yahoos!
I know what you mean about terror taking over. Staying alive is so much more of a priority.
You can sell vitamins in a bottle and label it anti-terror pills. Call it "Don't worry if you want to live." People will believe they really work. lol
Posted by: Natural | July 09, 2008 at 06:23 PM
Natural - the worst part was we kept getting closer to other boats, and the Lion had never explained the rules of the road, so to speak. Pass on the right? Pass on the left?
Posted by: Urban Panther | July 09, 2008 at 09:12 PM